Martyr's Day

What a day.  Let me tell you about my Martyr's Day experience. 

I have been home for about 3 hours, and I'm already feeling better about it. But let me tell you, I went through major culture stress and culture shock today. It was the feeling of claustrophobia, I seriously felt like the walls were going to close in on me. At one point I had trouble breathing. I'm telling you, it was intense. There were so many factors that contributed to this, including the fact that they spoke in Luganda all day and I didn't know what they were saying. The fact that I was the only white person some of these people had ever seen. I was shocked by the living conditions, I had to use a latrine, and overall the feeling of being misunderstood. Some hurtful things were said to me today, and not intentionally of course; we're just coming from different cultural attitudes. But it was hard. I had to do a lot of processing, even on the spot. And it was in those moments that I was pumped they were speaking in Luganda, because I could be alone in my thoughts. I was supposed to go to church for a women's function with Diana after we got back from her sisters' house, but there was no way that I would have been able to handle that. I needed to not be with her. I needed to get away from Uganda for a bit. And I mean, obviously that isn't possible, but coming back to our Kololo oasis was the only thing that I could even dream of doing. I feel so blessed to have this place to call home here. 

So luckily when I arrived, I could vent to Dr. Lightbody. I just needed to connect with someone from the west, someone to tell me that I am not crazy. And she was very encouraging in that.

Like I said, I have had time to process some of the stuff that happened today. However, the gravity of the situation and each of the contributing factors of today will probably stick with me for the rest of my life. It was easy to feel defeated today, and to feel like I could never ever live here and serve the Lord in Africa. But today is just today, and God will give me the grace to face tomorrow. By that grace I have already learned things about myself and about God as a result of what happened earlier, and it would be a mistake to push myself into isolation or back away from the culture because its "too hard." God is sovereign, and I am glad he is bringing me through what I went through today. I've tapped into a whole new side of myself and, with Him, there is much to explore.  

I want to thank you again for your prayers, encouraging comments and e-mails. It gives me strength each morning to know that people from home are praying for me and interceding on my behalf. 

Love.